Title: Unwanted Sun

Written By: Buckwheat

Email: i_treuer@hotmail.com

Rating: PG -13

Spoilers: Takes place 1/2 cycle after DWTB

Summary: John had found something for Aeryn while she was on Talyn. He did not want her to have it after the unpleasantness. He asked Dargo to get rid of it. Dargo hid it in Aeryn's prowler.

A special thanks goes to Janet for reading and fixing the technical aspects of writing (spelling and other dren).

A great heap of thanks goes to "Marcase" for his input and help in streamlining the story and setting it on the right flow.

Copyright Notice: Farscape is owned by The Jim Henson Company, Hallmark Entertainment, Nine Network Australia and the Sci-Fi Channel. They own all rights to the characters mentioned within this story.

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The holo image of the Luxan filled the air.

"Aeryn...if you are watching this, then you have found the box I left in your prowler. John..."

She stopped the holo-vid. It was the fifth or sixth time she had watched it, but every time Dargo mentioned John she had to stop. Not wanting to hear John's name, not wanting to see his face, to hear his voice. It has been half a cycle now since that fatefull day on Moya, half a cycle since that frelling coin toss. Maybe this was fate telling her that she should start to think of her and John again, and this was the first step. Trembling she started the holo-vid again.

"...John...He found something on a commerce planet that made him smile. I had not seen him smile a lot while you were gone. He saw this thing and said, "Aeryn would like this." I was not sure what it was but he bought it. That was maybe the second or third time he had said your name since you left on Talyn. He claimed it would take a lot of work to get it ready. I only saw him work on it once or twice, but each time we would not see him for several solar days. I still do not know what it is that he got for you...."

Now I'm curious about what it is, what could occupy John for that much time, She thought.

"...He finished just before Talyn returned. I have never seen him so pleased with himself. When you got back and things were...difficult. He thought it would never be an appropriate time to give it to you. He said you needed space and you needed time..."

He was right, I did need space. John gave me the space I thought I needed. By the time I opened up to him it was too late. He kept his distance not wanting to press.

"...John wanted me to get rid of it for him. He asked me to destroy it. Out of our friendship I thought it should be where it was meant to be...with you. Whatever it is, remember he did it for you. Goodbye my friend, I hope your path is clear and I will see you some day..."

With those words the Luxan faded away. Aeryn was alone in her quarters. Alone that was how she felt. Surrounded by all these ex-peacekeepers, even though she had made some friends here she still felt alone. She lost John once, watched him die, only to be confronted with John still alive on Moya. She could not bear seeing him, for that would bring back the incredible pain she felt when her John died. The sense of being truly alone, the incredible sense of loss, of something so precious she knew she would never find again.

It was time to leave; she could not handle it. She had to find herself, had to find her center as Zhaan had once told her. She sat and stared at the box, staring at it like she had done every night since she found it. What could it be? What would she find? She pulled the box towards her; there was writing on it. Not in the English that John had tried to teach her. It was in Sebacean:

For Aeryn

With Love

John

She opened the box not expecting to see the scrap of paper and two things that looked like tech manuals. The note was also written in Sebecean, and it was from John.

Aeryn,

Since you've been gone I have tried to find things to help keep my mind off of you. I now know that that was an impossible task. Finding this was proof of that. You once said that you would have to find out who you are when you are not a Peacekeeper. Well sometimes you need to know where you came from first, to know who you are or where you are going.

Love,

John

What could he mean by that? He knows where I came from. She took a look at the first book, it was old, damaged, it was written on fiber paper and bound with some sort of animal skin. The lettering was old and faded, hard to read, familiar yet not.  It looked like it was Sebacean, but not a form of Sebacean she knew. There was one word she could make out, one word that was familiar... Sun.

"Trust John to find some old piece of dren like this, and just because he thought it was interesting, he would think so would I" she murmured. It was the first time in a half cycle she had spoken his name. Something that was once so natural, now so...unnatural, she would not speak of him to herself, to her team, to anyone. She pulled the second book towards her. It looked like a tech manual. Maybe it was the "Leviathan for Dummies" book he was always talking about writing, whatever he meant by that.  Aeryn looked at the title

Unwanted Sun

(Memoirs of a Peackeeper)

Translated in to Common "New Sebacean"

By John Robert Crichton JR

A smile came across Aeryn's face, she did not smile often, but she could picture John sitting in his quarters working day and night to get this done. Learning Sebacean, new and old so he could translate it for her. The title bothered her though, "Unwanted" was that how he felt?  No, John would not have added "Love" in his note if that was the case. He must have been very proud of his work, he said he only "dusted off" his full name, as he would say, when he had something important to do or something that he was proud of.

She leaned back on her bunk taking the book with her. Who wrote this, why had John not included this in the title? She would have to read it to find out. It still looked like a tech manual; he knew how much she hated reading those things. Well, it was time to see why all the effort was put into it...

MY SO-CALLED LIFE.

I was born the second son to a prominent family in the core system. The second of two boys, that was my problem from the start. I was not supposed to be I was supposed to be a girl. At least that is what my father wanted; I was the unwanted son. If I had been a girl I could have been wed to one of the sons of the other council members and strengthen the bloodlines. I was relegated to my father's server's care, whereas my brother was being groomed to take my father's place on the council. Unwanted and unloved.

You are probably wondering why I am now exalting my victories, my kill numbers or my life as a Peacekeeper right away? I could have started at my recruitment or during my training. But to know whom I am, you must know who I was and where I came from, and for the most part of my life it guided some of my decisions and actions.

Where I came from...was this what John meant?

When I was fifteen cycles, my father came to me. He had spoken to me few times in my life, I though he had finally decided to open up and let me in. I was wrong about that and later on I would find out I as wrong about many things concerning my father. He spoke of duty and obligation, and how it was one's duty to serve the council. I though that he was telling me that my brother had failed and I would be groomed to take his place. Again I was wrong. My fate was to be that of most unwanted children, military service. He said that it would not be right for my to avoid my duty and obligations that were required of me. He said I had an obligation to my family and to the council, my family, that was laughable. They had barely noticed my existence and had an obligation to them; he must thought me to be stupid. He suggested the Planetary Defence Force, a lifetime of guarding the council and automated defence platforms. No, I did not want to be around him or have to be at his beck and call -or my brother's- should either one become head of the council. Peacekeepers were the only other option. They had only been around for five cycles, created to settle a civil war on one of our outer colonies. Now they were offering their services to other races to maintain the peace. A Galactic Defence Force, stopping piracy and protecting shipping lanes. I wanted excitement and a way out; they were my only option. He said he would use his influence to get me into the Peacekeeper Corps, after that I was on my own.

He was one of the original Peacekeepers, one of the ones back when they had a proper purpose, maintaining the peace, protecting the innocent...frell; I have to be up in four arns. I have to get some sleep. I will read more another time. With that Aeryn put the book down and fell asleep still wondering who this mysterious Peacekeeper was.

The next solar day Aeryn made it back to the bunker, drenched in sweat after a long patrol.  She chose to cover their route back to the base, making sure that pirates or insurgents or hungry wildlife did not follow her squad. She stopped by her quarters to pick up the book and then on to the Officer's lounge for some food and perhaps she could read there. No one would bother her; she had made it clear that she would socialize when she wanted to.

I AM BORN ANEW.

My father kept his word, two solar days later a Peacekeeper rep showed up to take me for training. There was no fanfare or good wishes from my family, even the servers were glad to see me go. I was truly alone. On the way to the training centre I was told that given my family background I had been selected for Officer training. That meant I would command troops, life and death decisions and responsibility. I was also given several verbal quizzes and tests; this was to see if I had the intelligence to go through the training. If not I, would become a "grunt" and in with the cannon fodder. I was told what type of training to expect and that death in training "accidents" was to be expected. Dead before I was sixteen cycles! This was not what I expected, but I was committed, I would prove myself to them, and to myself: frell my family.

If I had expected to be treated any different than with my own family I was soon to find out I would be sorely mistaken. I was big for my age; I was as tall as one of twenty cycles, almost as tall as a Luxan if you can believe it. I therefor was a target, a challenge for the other cadets to attack and take down. Even those whom I thought of as friends were constantly attacking me. It was not long until I became guarded and suspicious of those around me. Always on my guard; but that became an advantage in everything I did. I was still the unwanted son, one of the other council member's son was in training with me and knew my story; he always referred to me as the Unwanted Son until all the other cadets did so too. Still the outcast, still unwanted, still unloved. I decided then that I would live to serve. Be the perfect Peacekeeper, something that served me well in my training. I was constantly being advanced beyond my fellow cadets. I was sent to Prowler Attack School less than a cycle after starting training. I excelled in combat maneuvers and was able to react faster than any other student in my flight group. I was told that I was the best pilot they had ever trained, I took that as a compliment, even though the organization had only been around for five cycles and I was in the fourth flight school since they started the trainingprogram. I have to say that there are far better pilots in the Peacekeepers now, than I ever could be. Including my daughter.

His daughter! That is right; in the early days Peacekeepers used to have life-mates, and any children were not automatically assigned to fill the ranks, who is He? Frelling Crichton from keeping his name from me. I like him already, a pilot...I like him even more.

After PAS I was sent to command school. This was unusual for a cadet to go to command school so early after flight school. I was going there for a reason. I was told that there were several members of High Command that were following my career with interest. This is why I was being accelerated through the training. I could handle it, but could my other classmates? Frell them, I must do what is set forward for me. I was the youngest at the school, I was only seventeen cycles and everyone else had at least two cycles of active duty behind them. Again I was the upstart, the unwanted son. I thought this would be different, if I was to excel in the course, but that was just another thing for them to despise me for. Nothing exciting happened during the course; I finished with the highest rating, which still stands now. It was an easy course then, with my fellow classmates ­or should I say competitors- an unassuming bunch, who got their commissions because of their bloodlines instead of their skills. I paid them little to no attention; I found none worthy of it. Wait, I lied. I saw the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. It would be several cycles later when we would meet again, assigned to a unit neither of us expected.

A man in a full black uniform entered and surveyed the room, his eyes resting on me.

Oh, frell, I thought. Now what? I had only seen the Red and Black of the line troops and the Black and Red of the pilot's corps. This was no line trooper. He was someone on a mission, someone with special dispensation. He stomped towards me.

"Cadet!" His commanding voice boomed straight at me, making me automatically spring to attention. I saw no rank, but his whole demeanor told everyone that this was one who commanded immediate and unconditional obediance. Or else...

"Yes, Sir!" I stared straight ahead, not looking the officer in the eye. Who was this nerfer, and what did he want from me?

"You have concluded the first part of your training, you are to proceed to the next level. Get your gear, we leave now!" And turned and headed out the lounge.

"Yes sir!" I said to his back. His boots thundered through the silenced room, where all eyes were following me following him. I started to turn the corner to the dormitory, when the officer turned and boomed at me.

"Where the frell do you think you're going, cadet?!"

"Sir, getting my gear, sir! And reporting my reassignment, sir!" I said springing to attention once more.

"No time for that! Whatever you will need, the Peacekeeper Corps will provide you. You will not tell anyone where you are going or what you are doing. IS THAT CLEAR!"

"YES SIR!" For the love of Chilnack, will he ever stop shouting? And I won't tell anyone, since I have no frellin idea where I'm going anyway. Who is this yotz?

I followed him to the landing pads, where an ugly little ship was starting up its engines. I was directed towards the small hold where two mean looking blackclad troopers were loading boxes and pushed me into a highly uncomfortable seat and strapped me in tight, together with the rest of the cargo. The whole atmosphere breathed purpose and mission. The officer returned to check the loading and his new passenger.

"Cadet! You have been chosen to follow some special training, and that is all that you need to know. Follow instructions precisely, and you may yet live long enough to bring honor to the Corps!" With that he and his troopers left to the flight deck, leaving me -litterally- in the dark once more.

Little did I know I was off to commando training.

Pilot, command and commando training, I like him, but who is he? Frell, I have to be up in 2 arns...wait it is Re'lek's team that is out tomorrow, it is my rest cycle. I still have to sleep. This is too good to put down. Damn you John. Aeryn yawned and with that all hope of reading more was extinguished. Sleep came quickly.

Commando Training was hard, as anyone who has gone though it will know. They put you through dren; I will not go into details because I don't want to discourage anyone from applying for training. But yes, you DO get to blow dren up. It was then that I was given a choice; stay on as school staff or finally go to my first active duty assignment. I chose to go, finally, on active duty, but first there was a personal matter to deal with. I wanted a new name*, I made my request to High Command. I did not want anything to do with the family that ignored me. I have not mentioned what my old name is because I am more the name I chose than the one originally given me.

*(Editor's/Translator's Note: I was not sure if it meant name or person. Also, is there ever a Low Command?)

Aeryn laughed out loud, shattering the somber silence of the Officer's Lounge. I miss that, his little human quips, something I use to hate, now something I wonder how I can live without.

High Command approved. They liked the idea of commando's change their names to protect their families. It was not my intention to start that tradition, because it was my personal protection I was ensuring. This is a tradition I am glad that the Peacekeepers no longer practice. I chose a strong name, one I could bare proudly. I chose the name of an ancient Sebacean warrior who's family abandoned him. It is a bit ironic that my daughter now serves in the regiment that now bears my name, my regiment, my first assignment as a commando attached to the covert operations section. The regiment I would eventually command. High Command approved my name change, they did not have a problem with the first name, the last name was questioned but they approved and I was no longer the unwanted son. At 20 cycles I was born anew as Pleisar...

My old Regiment...

...For my first name. The last name was a variation on what I had been called since birth.  I took the name of a little known, but well respected House. I would be forever known as Pleisar Sun.

Aeryn dropped the book. The tears in her eyes started to flow; John had done this for her. He had always been there for her, to offer a helping hand when need or not, just as she had for him. He would not know the pain she had been in, the knowledge of the baby, knowledge that she had destroyed one of his dreams. She thought that loosing the baby was hard enough to deal with, now that she knows that he knows her, knows where she came from. There was so much to learn before the healing could start. Before she could let him in all the way. Again Aeryn felt alone, but not alone, knowing that John was out there waiting for her.

End of Part 1.

Part 2 >>

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