Title: Undecided
by: Pancake

Feedback, please send to abadillo@zimet.net

Disclaimers: i own nothing you hear me, NOTHING!!

Time line:  I'm placing this one night on Talyn, before John died, when
Aeryn and John were still a happy couple and everything was right in the
world.

Author's notes: This is Aeryn thinking, by herself, no evil monkeis invading
her mind, wait wrong character, wait no characters ever even touched on
that, man!!  Don't this people realize what this Farscape drought is doing
to me, i must watch all my tapes over and over and over again now.

Anyway... Have fun reading this, please please PLEASE leave comments.  I do
love comments, any comments.  If i completely flunked this test please tell
me.  I have to improve my writing skills anyway.

Blah Blah Blah.  Enjoy the show.


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It's wrong, I know it is, I just can't get him to believe it.  I know that
there's another one of him.  I know that he is still on the other ship and
if I could just forget about Moya and everyone else and be happy, that would
be great. 

Nevertheless, I can't.  I still think of him, the other him, not the one
with me right now, holding me close to him.  I know that the other one loves
me. I think he does.  If he's the same person as the one I love, he does.
There were no copies made, no clones; they were equal and original, right?
That's what they said when they came back, no copies.

So, does this mean that the man that I loved, love, is two?  Does that even
make sense?  I love one man that is two.  Or is it two men that are one,
were one.  Does this mean I am betraying a love I have with one by loving
and being with him, the other, the one that I share my bed, my heart, my
soul with?

Before Talyn, before the twinning, before the crazy downfall of Dargo and
Chiana's relationship, I had denied him.  When he was only one man, I
refused him, I discouraged the relationship that I so cherish and hold dear
now.  I rejected his love, by not letting him act on it.  No I didn't
actually reject it did I?  I love him; I loved him before I died. 

Zhaan.  Zhaan gave her life for mine.  A warm-hearted woman for an cold
hearted Peacekeeper.  Ex- Peacekeeper.  An open and understanding soul for a
sheltered and learning one.  An experienced person with emotions that were
uncountable yet controlled for a woman still learning and trying to
understand them.  A priest for an old defeated soldier.  A soldier that
didn't even live up to that life, but became something.... what.... more?
Zhaan, how do I deal with this, how would you of dealt with this.  You were
a soul so rare, so giving, why did you give your life for my own. 

John.  Everything went back to him.  Zhaan couldn't have known that he was
to be 'twinned'.  That this would happen.  She gave her life for mine
because John loved me.  She said he needed me.  He said he needed me.  But
what now.  I'm not with him, in any sense of the word 'with'.  Was I ever
really with him?  He's shown me so much, taught me so much, but what did I
ever show or give him in return? 

He says that he has always needed me.  He claims that I have always been his
reason to keep on going when times were at their worst.

Earth

Jack Crichton, his father, his hero

D.K., his best friend, his confidant

And me, former Officer Aeryn Sun, once Peacekeeper now defector.  In love
with another species, an 'inferior' race. 

Isn't that what he said?  However three of those options were unavailable,
merely hope.  Nothing physical, nothing real that he could touch, feel, talk
to, only hope for.  Now the one thing there that was physical is gone, but
only for one.  I have the other.  He is right here, breathing on my neck,
cradling me against him, keeping me safe.  But only one.

One left on Moya without me.  One here on Talyn with me. 



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I'm so sorry if this is really confusing, i just wanted to get it out there,
me brainstorming, it's a dangerous thing.

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