One Way Conversation

By Shelley Robinson

Disclaimer: I own no part of Farscape or its characters.

Summary: Aeryn's first conversation with her unborn child.

Aeryn approached the terrace door.

Aeryn: "Pilot?"

Pilot: "Yes Officer Sun."

She waved her hand over the door control. The door opened slowly.

Aeryn: "I am going to be off my com for a while. Unless it is an emergency, I don't wish to be disturb."

Pilot: "Understood."

Aeryn stepped onto the terrace and waved her hand over the control without looking back. She walked to the edge of the terrace and stood there for a moment looking at the stars.

Aeryn: "I thought it was time that you and I talked."

Crichton was sitting at the back of the terrace with his back against the wall. He was going over some notes in his notebook. He was about to respond to her when he realized she wasn't talking to him. She didn't even realize he was there. He moved further into the shadows.

Aeryn looked down and laid her hand on her stomach.

Aeryn: "Well little baby, you better get use to this. Your mother has a gift for frelling things up and unfortunately for you, I don't think that is going to change before you are born."

She rubbed her stomach. Crichton just watched and listened.

Aeryn: "Your mother (Her eyes lifted and stared off into the distance). That is what I am going to be, that is what I am, somebody's mother."

A sweet smile came to her face.

Aeryn: "You don't mind if I take a load off, do you? I will take your silence as your approval."

She sat down and crossed her legs Indian style.

Aeryn: "Thanks to Chiana's gift for keeping secrets, everybody knows about you now."

She looked down at her stomach.

Aeryn: "So I thought it was time for our first mother/baby talk. What do you think?"

She waited for a microt as if waiting for an answer. She smiled.

Aeryn: "You are very agreeable."

John grinned slightly thinking that is not going to last.

Aeryn: "I have to warn you now baby that I have no idea how to be a mother. I didn't even know my mother until I was fully grown. I didn't have parents. I had authority figures."

She looked up at the stars.

Aeryn: "They taught me to shot straight, to be a damn good pilot and soldier. But no one taught me how to do this. So I wanted to talk to you alone, just you and me. I wanted to tell you about me so that when I frell up your life you will find it in your heart to forgive me, if you understand why."

She tapped on her stomach with the tips of her fingers.

Aeryn: "As much as I hate to admit it, Crichton is right...he will tell you he always is but you will know better once you are older."

John smiled at her playfulness with the baby.

Aeryn: "I am no good for him until I figure who out who I am and what I need. I can't keep going back and forth. It is not fair to him, to me, and someday to you. I don't even really know what it is I am afraid of (slight pause) but I have to tell you there are some days when I am so terrified of what the universe has in store for me that I want to just curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head and not come out. Which if you knew who I was before I came aboard Moya, is not like me at all. Or may be it is and I just didn't know it because of the rigidity of my life with the peacekeepers. I didn't have to think, feel or do anything for myself and I was comfortable with that. Then I came hear and suddenly there were these people that forced me to confront what was inside of me. I have to tell you at first I didn't like what I saw. I wonder if you would have liked me back then if you knew what I did, what I was capable of in the name of High Command."

John knew the right thing to do was to try to get off the terrace but he couldn't tear himself away.

Aeryn: "John doesn't understand why I left Moya without telling him about you. He thinks it was because I was unsure of your parentage. It wasn't. I know him well enough to know that he will love you for who you are and not where you came from. It was the choice I was afraid I might have to some day make that I was afraid of. You see I have dreamed of my mother all of my life. I had made her this angel in my mind who had come to me one night when I was just a little girl and told me that she wanted me and that she and my father loved me. That did happen but I found out that it came with a price. You see peacekeeper high command found out that she had a child that wasn't sanctioned by High Command and in order to save my life she was forced to kill my father. They made her choose between the man she loved and the child she brought into this world."

John's eyes stung from the tears filling them. He had no idea about any of this.

Aeryn: "So when her retrieval squad caught up to us, she told me that she hated me because she was forced to kill Talyn and do other things to hold her commission with the peacekeepers. You will never know what it feels like to hear the person who helped create you say they hated you and wished you were never born."

A single tear caressed the smooth line of Aeryn's cheek.

Aeryn: "Don't be too sad though in the end before she died on Valldon she told me she loved me."

Aeryn wiped her face. John wanted desperately to go to her but he didn't. He just sat there.

Aeryn: "There was my dilemma baby because no matter what I did, or said, or claim to be. I am still Aeryn Sun, Peacekeeper. What if our enemies, and there are many, found out or even suspected that John Crichton and Aeryn Sun had a child. I can't even imagine the life you would be forced to lead or the choices that I might be force to make. How could I forgive myself, even worse I could I forgive him? So I left thinking that may be a part we would have a chance at a life. I must have been farbot to think that fate would just let me go off and live in peace with my child by my side. I have to tell that right now I feel so lost. Baby, I wish you could tell me what to do with my life."

She looked around the terrace and sighed.

Aeryn: "There is at least one thing that I have to offer you. That is this family. I am making sure that you have the kind of home I could have only dreamed of. (She laid her hand on the floor) This is Moya. She is our protector, our friend, and our home. The only real home I have ever known and she will be your home someday. I trust her and Pilot with my life and now I entrusting them with yours. I know that as you grow you will come to love them as much, if not more, than I do. Her corridors will be your playground and his den your learning center."

She smiled slightly.

Aeryn: "This family of ours is not an ordinary family in anyway. It is a family of assorted 'nuts'...to coin a phrase...but they will defend you with their lives and love you as much as I do. Who are they you ask?"

John lowered his head and tried not to laugh out loud. He smiled.

Aeryn: "Well I all ready told you about Pilot and Moya, so I guess I should start with the Captain. His name is Ka D'Argo, Luxan warrior. He is a really big guy but has the heart to match. In our family I would consider him my brother. Then there is my sister, Chiana. Chiana is a thief and seductress, but a good friend and comrade to have in a fight. Lets just hope anything she should teach you in your life doesn't land you in a cell. Dominar Rygel (pause). In this family he is that old farbot uncle that no one speaks of except in whispers. (She smiled.) What can I possibly tell you about Rygel that won't send you screaming into the night? When given the opportunity to be, he is compassionate and very wise. But do yourself a favor and don't leave any food around him. (She smiled and rubbed her stomach.)"

She fell silent for a microt.

Aeryn: "There are members of our family that are lost to us now but I will tell you all about them and our adventures together. Zhann, Crais, and Talyn are gone for good but Jool and Stark are just away for now, I still have hope that they will return someday. Then there are these other two strays that your fath...that Crichton has picked up a long the way. I have no idea how to describe them to you. I will let you figure them out for yourself."

Crichton caught that she almost called him the baby's father.

Aeryn: "But the most important person you will have in your life besides me is John Crichton."

John leaned forward slightly. He stared at her silhouette on the dimly lit terrace.

Aeryn: "He is infuriating, frustrating, and at times a pain in the eema but he is my best friend, my lover, and the stick to which I measure myself against. He will show and teach you a great many things in your life but the most important thing, which is a lesson I am still trying to learn, is how to meet the world with your arms wide open and without fear."

John stood up slowly. He remained in the shadows by the wall.

Aeryn: "Oh baby, I am in love with a man who I can't open up to, at least not completely, and because of that he doesn't know how to love me anymore. I hope you never feel like you have to avoid looking in to the eyes of your friends, your family, because you don't want to see their disappointment, accusations or judgments."

She pushed her hair behind her ears. John had tears brimming his eyes. For the first time since Aeryn left Moya and returned, he felt like he was finally seeing her, not the facade she showed everyone.

Aeryn: "Emotions are not easy for me but I am trying to change that. For you. For me. For him. So here is the promise I want to make you. I promise not to frell your life up to badly, if you promise to give me time and be patient with me. This is going to be new for both of us. What do you think? Can you do that?"

She leaned back on her hands and looked at her flat stomach. She smiled.

Aeryn: "I will take that as a yes."

She slowly rose to her feet.

Aeryn: "By the way if I forgot to mention it, I can't wait to meet you."

John wiped the tears from his face and stepped out of the shadows.

John: (speaking softly) "Aeryn."

She whipped around. She was shocked to see him standing there. She looked over his shoulder and saw that the door was closed.

Aeryn: "Were you here the whole time?"

He walked up to her until they were face to face. He wanted to look into her eyes.

John: "Yes."

Aeryn: "Why didn't you tell me you were in here? What were you doing?

John: "Remembering why I fell in love with you."

He softly kissed her cheek and turned to leave the terrace. He opened the door. Aeryn turned back toward the stars.

John: "For the record."

She looked over her shoulder at him.

John: (gesturing toward her stomach) "Pee Wee is very lucky to have you."

He smiled at her. She smiled and turned back toward the stars. John left the terrace.

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