The red hand passed by the twelve on the clock face, causing the long black minute hand to take its rest at the six.  The short, hour hand followed by moving a little more past the nine, halfway to the ten.  Almost instantly the halls filled with bodies moving wherever they had to go.  Room 208 became an uproar as a few dozen people filtered in through the small doorway.  A brown haired girl with blue-green eyes, her sandals shuffling across the floor, moved to her desk to set down her armload of books and her bag.  On top of all the books she laid a tiny blue binder, the pages inside blank save the first, and then walked away, going to some other corner of the classroom.

Three males tumbled into the room with minutes to spare - a redhead, a blonde, and a brunette.  They all three made their way through the jumbled mess of seats until they reached theirs in the back.  Sitting down in their infamous triangle of torment, the redhead's eyes strayed to the lone blue binder laying atop the mess of books.  The brunette's followed and he made the first move, plucking the binder from its perch.

"Hey man, check this out," said Shawn, opening the cover to reveal the first page.  He glanced over it, reading only pieces.

"Dude, that's Moser's; put it back," Matt the redhead commented.

"Yo, is that her alien porn?" Tyler asked.

"Yeah man.  Check it out."

They all three gathered around the binder and its one precious page of alien porn.  They became heavily engrossed in the words that spilled out of each paragraph.  The alien porn enraptured them.  In fact, they were so enthralled, they failed to notice the change in their environment.  The classroom that Matt, Ty, and Shawn had been sitting in shifted into solid, bronze-colored walls of skinsteel and bulkheads.  Around them the hum of a living ship swirled.

Tyler was the first to look up and notice the drastic change.  "Hey man, we're not in Kansas anymore!"  He hit Matt, who was sitting next to him.

"What?" Matt looked around.  "Holy shit, what happened?"

"I don't know."  Tyler saw Shawn who was still reading the page.  "Dude, Shawn."

Matt elbowed Shawn, and he looked up.  "What?"  He took in the surroundings.  "Dude, what the fu --"

"Where the hell are we?"  Tyler interrupted, standing, and then watching his chair disappear as he did.  "Whoa!"

The other two stood up, following in suit, and watched their chairs disappear as well.  "Whoa!" was the simultaneous response from them.  All three of them stood in their triangle, gazing around them and at each other.  Shawn went to find the page they had been reading, but it was gone; vanished like their classroom, their classmates, and their chairs.

"Okay, something strange is going on," Tyler concluded.

"Ya think?" Matt smacked him on the back of the head.  "Alright.  Now we gotta figure out what we're going to do."

Before anyone could answer, they all became distracted by a whirring and buzzing sound.  Looking down a corridor, they saw a little yellow bot with two antennas gliding toward them.  They backed up several steps as the bot paused at their feet.  Matt crouched down to examine the machine, touching the tips of the antennas and playing with the little buttons.

"Guys, this is cool," Matt exclaimed and encouraged the others to check out the strange yellow bot as well.

John scratched his head as he stood with the rest of the crew, watching the scene playing out on the holoscreen in Pilot's den.  They all watched the three boys who appeared from nowhere with three chairs and a blue binder.  And they all watched as everything but the boys disappeared.  And now they all watched as the three boys gathered around the DRD.

"Okay, so who are these clowns?" John mused, more to himself than anyone else.

"I thought you would know, Commander," Pilot said.

"Well," John scratched his head, "If I didn't know any better, I would say they were from Earth."  He listened as they spoke to the DRD, wrinkling his nose at their language.  "Oh yeah, they're definitely from Earth."

"Well, how did they get here John?" Aeryn asked, staring hard at the three boys on the holoscreen.

"How the hell should I know?"

"You're from Erp, and you got here."

"So? I came through a wormhole.  These three appeared out of nowhere.  No wormhole, no nothing."

Everyone was silent at that, watching as the three continued to toy with the yellow bot.  They were poking at it now, and making funny faces, stupid faces.  One used a stupid voice to talk to it and made a deranged comment.

John groaned.

"Well," Aeryn stated dryly, trying to hide her smirk, "That explains a lot."

John groaned again and muttered a "shut up".  Of all the humans to get zapped into the UT, it had to be three complete idiots.  He took one last glance at the screen and sighed.  *Complete idiots.*

"So what are we going to do about them?" Chiana asked, watching the three on the screen with delight and curiosity.  She absently licked her lips at the sight of the redhead.

"I'll go handle it," D'Argo decided, drawing his Qualta Blade and charging it.

John threw his hands up in front of the Luxan.  "No, no, no!  We are not shooting anyone!"

"Fine, I'll go," Aeryn volunteered.

John kept one palm in front of D'Argo and moved the other in front of Aeryn.  "Right.  I'm not gonna let D'Argo go, but I'm going to let you - a soldier with two guns and a wild temper."  The sarcasm dripped from his voice.  "No.  You are both staying right here."  When he was confident they weren't going to move, he spoke.  "I'm going to go.  They're from my planet, and they'll understand me, not you."  Aeryn relaxed and D'Argo put his Qualta Blade back in its sheath.  "Okay.  Now just wait here.  I'll be back."  He turned and left, leaving everyone behind.

D'Argo looked over at Aeryn who looked back at him.

"Are you planning on waiting?"  She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No."

They both unholstered their weapons and headed out of Pilot's chamber.

Chiana glanced again at the holoscreen and the three boys on it.  The one in the middle, the redhead, was still catching her eye.  Jool moved over beside her and noticed the way Chiana was glued to the screen.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking I'm beginning to like Crichton's species more and more."  She slid her thin grey body off of Pilot's console and sauntered to the doorway.  "I'll just be hanging around the ship if you need me, Pilot."

Jool glared at Pilot as Chiana left.  "Are you just going to let her go like that?"

"Yes," Pilot answered simply.

"But Pilot, Crichton said for us to stay here," she reminded.

"Yes," Pilot answered again.

Jool put her hands on her hips.  "Aren't you going to say something besides "yes"?"

Pilot grinned.  "Yes."

She let out a piercing scream and then stormed out.  His chamber was now clear and he could work in peace.  Pilot smiled contentedly and went about doing what he usually did.

Matt, Tyler, and Shawn soon became bored with the yellow bot.  The poking dropped to a minimum and then diminished.  All three boys sat back on their heels, staring at the floor, wondering what to do.  It was obvious that they were lost.  They didn't know where they were at all.  And thing were getting weird.

"Guys, we're lost," Shawn finally said.

Matt looked up.  "It's kinda hard to be lost when we don't even know how we got here or where we are."

Both Shawn and Tyler looked at each other and then glared at Matt.

"That made absolutely no sense, Matt!" Tyler pointed out.

Matt thought about this, then shrugged.  "Don't blame me.  I'm not the one writing this."

in the distance ...

"Aurora shut up!"

"Well it didn't make sense!"

"Yes it did."

*long pause*

"Screw you!"

... out of the distance

All three boys looked at each other, wide-eyed and puzzled.  Then they --

in the distance ...

"Aurora, give me the damn pen!"

"No."

"Give me the pen."

*long pause* ... CRASH!  BANG!  SCREAM!

"You should have given it to me."

... out of the distance

All three boys looked at each other, wide-eyed and puzzled.  Then they stood up slowly and chanced glances down the empty hallways that their intersection jutted off into.  Each of them considered where the passages led to.  They considered what they would find at the end of them ... or even if they ended.  Matt broke away from the group to go walk a few paces down a corridor.  He returned shortly after and looked at the other two guys.  Pausing to pinch the bridge of his nose, he tried to devise a plan.

"Guys, I think we should split up," Matt suggested.

"Split up?" Tyler questioned.

"I'm all for it.  Maybe then we'll figure out where the hell we are," Shawn explained.

"Ty, you in?" Matt asked.

Tyler thought for a few moments and scratched his blonde-haried head.  "Yeah, I guess so."

"Alright, then we split up.  Each of us take a hallway and we meet back here in an hour." He put his hand in the middle of their group.  "Capice?"

There was a round of "Capice"s from them all and then they broke apart, each taking a separate corridor and heading to God knows where.  The DRD, now left alone, chose to follow Matt closely, merely by chance.

John moved quickly down his corridor, hearing voices in the distance.  He had taken the long way around, deciding to take his time.  They were three human male teenagers; they wouldn't be too much trouble.  John paused, thinking a little bit harder on this.

His pace suddenly quickened.  They were three male human teenagers on a ship with millions of buttons and levers and passageways and weapons.  He found himself moving faster and faster thinking of more and more possible things that the boys could launch themselves into.  He heard a resounding "capice" and hurried to the junction where it came from.  But when he arrived he was too late.  All he saw was the scurrying away of a DRD.

"Damn," he muttered as he stood in the middle of the intersection looking down each empty hallway.

*They must've split,* he considered as he took the hallway to the left, figuring it was as good as any of the other three.  *I just hope no one finds command before me.*

D'Argo and Aeryn arrived at the junction shortly after John had come and left.  They had taken the same path around Moya, wanting to use the element of surprise to their favor.  But they reached the junction with no one to be found.  Both of them peered down each of the halls, seeing if anyone was lurking about.

"D'Argo, do you see anyone?" Aeryn asked.

"No," he replied.

They both turned and looked at each other.  "Let's split up," they said simultaneously.

"I'll go right.  You go left," Aeryn suggested.

"Alright."

And they split up, each taking a different hall in hopes of finding someone.

Chiana sauntered past the galley, peering in just in case one of the Erp males were lurking about.  But all she found was Rygel, stuffing his face with crackers.  She stalked up behind im, being very very quiet, and then suddenly grabbed his pudgy excuses for shoulders.

"Hey Rygee!" Chiana shouted.

The Hynerian jumped in his throne sled, nearly choking on the pile of crackers he had crammed into his mouth.  "Agh-oh!"

She slithered around him so he could see her.  Her shiny grey lips parted as an endless stream of laughter poured out of it.  "Gotcha," she laughed.

Quickly composing himself, Rygel brushed away the crumbs he had dropped and glared at the young Nebari.  "Hmmph.  Frelling tralk," he muttered.  "What the yotz do you want?"

Chiana was still laughing, but managed to squeeze a point into the middle of it.  "I'm looking for the humans."

"Humans?  What the frell are you talking about?" Rygel scoffed.  "The only human here is Crichton and he's completely fahrbot."

"Nope.  There's more," she giggled, thinking of the redhead again.

"More humans?" He groaned.  "Oh yotz, we're all in trouble now."

"They appeared out of nowhere.  Not even Crichton knows how they got here."

"Well they better not be expecting us to feed them.  I'm not giving up my rations and we've got none to spare."

Chiana had to laugh at this.  Rygel was always worried about food.  "Don't worry your royal frogness," she said as she took hold of his earbrows, "I doubt they'd wanna eat marjoohls."  After giving him a sly wink she began slinking back out of the galley.

It took a moment for what she had said to sink in.  "Why I -- marjoohls are a Hynerian delicacy you ungrateful Nebari slut!"  He turned his throne sled around to go after her, but she was already gone.  "Frelling tralk."

Matt walked slowly down the corridor he had chosen, admiring the coppery bulkheads and running his fingers along them.  A quiet hum swirled around him, giving him the creepiest feeling.  It was almost like he was inside of something that was living.  He felt like he was walking through somebody's lungs, or someone's stomach.  If he didn't know any better, he'd say the ship was alive.

"Weird," he commented as he continued down the hall.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a loud scream.  Up ahead there was doorway, and out of it came a mass of red and orange, screaming its head off.  When the screaming blob stopped to stomp the floor, he got a better look and saw it was a girl.  She stomped the floor again and then ran off in the opposite direction of Matt.

Matt ran a finger around inside his ear to clear it.  "Damn, she can scream."

His ears were still ringing as he moved toward the open doorway where more yellow bots were scurrying out.  When it was clear, he wandered inside whatever room the door led to.  Matt's jaw hit the floor that his feet were frozen to.

In front of him, down a thin catwalk, was a giant alien sitting on top of a console.  Or at least he thought it was an alien.  That's what it had to be.  No animal he'd ever seen looked like it.  It was big, and green, and it had four arms, all of them waving about and pressing controls.  Its head was like a giant surfboard and at the end of its arms were giant claws.  Around the console were at least a dozen more little bots, their antennae blinking and waving.

One skittered up to Matt's feet, pausing and studying him for a few moments before gliding back to the group.  Just then all the DRDs turned their antennae toward the intruder and Pilot stopped what he was doing to look up.

"Um ... hi," Matt managed, taking one small step forward.

"Hello," Pilot said calmly.

It was one of the humans that had appeared from nowhere, this he knew.  But the being seemed harmless enough ... or so he thought.

Matt shook his head.  He hadn't understood a thing the big alien said.  It was all a jumbled mess.  Pilot noticed the confusion and motioned to a DRD.  The DRD moved across the floor, ready to inject the human with microbes.

Meanwhile, Matt was too busy trying to figure out what Pilot had said to notice the DRD injecting microbes into him.

"OWW!  Holy mother of ... dear sweet je --" He grabbed his foot, now stinging from the pain of the injection.  "What the hell was that?"

"Translator microbes," Pilot answered simply.

"What?"  Matt understood him now.  But he didn't know what microbes were.

"Translator microbes," he repeated.  "They allow you to understand us."

"Us?"

"Myself and the crew onboard Moya."

"Moya?"  Matt moved closer to the console.

"Yes.  Moya."

"Who's Moya?"

"Moya is the Leviathan you're inside of."

So the ship was alive.  A chill ran down Matt's spine as he stood merely a few feet away from Pilot's console.

"You're an alien," Matt finally said.

"Yes."

He paused, thinking.  "Sweet!"  Matt closed the distance between them.  "This is awesome."

Pilot smiled.

"So, do you run this ship or something?" Matt asked, admiring all the buttons on Pilot's console.

"I am the Pilot."

"Cool."  Matt pointed to a raised gold panel.  "What does this do?"

"That regulates Moya's core temperature," he answered proudly.

Matt nodded.  "And this one?" he asked, pointing to another.

"This panel is illumination."

"And that one?"

"Ballast."

"What does this one over here do?" Matt continued, climbing up and sitting alongside the console.

"That controls the defense screen," Pilot said, a hint of irritation in his voice.

"And what about that one?"

Pilot groaned.

Shawn wandered down his hallway, whistling a random tune as he went, and touching each bulkhead and panel he saw.  He hadn't ran into Matt or Tyler yet.  He hadn't ran into anyone else for that matter.  If there were other people wherever they were.  They didn't even know where they were.

The place could be filled with just about anything.  Man-eating plants.  Aliens.  English teachers.  Cheerleaders.  *Oh please let there be cheerleaders.*

As he passed by a doorway, he paused.  Behind the weird shaped door there was a bed, a small table, and other random junk.  But the large, odd-looking weapon in the corner caught his attention.  It looked like a rifle.  But it was slightly different.  Shawn searched for a way into the room.  He finally found it when he ran his hand over a small flashing panel beside the door.

The doors opened and Shawn moved through them, heading straight for the gun.  He picked it up and stuck his eye to the scope.

"Whoa!  This is wild!"  Putting a finger gently on the trigger, he took aim at a pillow on the bed and fired.
 

Aeryn moved swiftly down the hall, scanning the corridors for one of the humans.  As she jogged, Pilot's voice came in over her comm.

"Officer Sun, Moya's sensors report pulse fire on your tier.  It originated in your chambers."

"Cool!  I didn't know that one could do that.  Let me try!" A random voice in the background cried out.

"No ... no ... no!" Pilot shouted.

Aeryn raised an eyebrow at what was coming in over her comm.  "Pilot," she asked slowly.

There was some heavy breathing and then finally, "Luke, I am your father," in a deep, deep voice.

"Luke?  Who is Luke?" Aeryn asked, pressing the button.

"Get off!" Pilot shouted.  Then there was a shuffling sound, followed by a resounding smack.  "So, sorry Officer Sun."

"Yes, Pilot," she returned, still unsure of what was happening.  "Where was the pulse fire again?"

"Your chambers."

"I'm on it, Pilot," Aeryn answered, drawing both her pulse pistols.

The comm channel closed and Aeryn went forward.  Her chambers were just up ahead.  As she neared the doorway she heard another shot and then the sound of something crashing to the floor and breaking.

"Holy shit!" came a voice from inside her chamber.

"Frelling humans," Aeryn muttered before charging inside, both guns drawn.  "What are you doing in my chamber," she shouted.

Shawn jumped, dropped the rifle, and turned all in one movement.  He stared at the dark haired woman in front of him, holding two weapons pointed right at his head.

"I was just ..." He looked her over from head to toe.  *Leather ... kinky.  Quick, think of something smooth.*  "I was just waiting for an angel like you to come and show me around this heaven."

"Excuse me?"

Shawn stepped over the rifle and moved closer.  "Baby, I must've died and gone to heaven cause you look just like an angel."

"A what?"  Aeryn was missing everything.

"Pinch me honey so I know I'm not dreaming," Shawn continued flirting.

She raised and eyebrow, but did as he said nonetheless.  Only her version of pinching was a bit more than Shawn expected.

"AAGGGHHH!" He screamed, rubbing his sore arm.

"You said to pinch you."

Shawn stopped screaming and smiled.  "I know baby."  He winked at her.  "It's okay.  I like it rough."

Aeryn shook her head.  "Whatever."  She went behind him and planted a sharp kick square in his rear, forcing him to move forward.  "Get moving!"

"Oooh," Shawn commented, moving, "feisty!"

Aeryn groaned, kicking him again and pushing him completely out of her room.

John moved faster and faster.  He was sure he'd run into one of them sooner or later.  He had to find them.  There was so much damage they could do to Moya unintentionally.

"Luke, I am your father," echoed over John's comm.

"Dear God, one of them's found Pilot's den," John mumbled, speeding his pace up to a run.
 

Just fifty feet or so behind John, D'Argo was following the same path.  With his Qualta Blade in his hands, he strode down the corridor at an even, but swift pace.  When the voice came over his comm he groaned and moved faster.  And then he heard John.  As he rounded the corner he saw John disappearing around the next one.  Quickening his pace, it wasn't long before D'Argo was right behind his human companion.

"John," he said, reaching out a hand and grabbing his shoulder.

John whirled around.  "D, man, don't scare me like that."

"Like what?"

"Nevermind."  Then something hit him.  "Wait a microt ... I thought I told you and Aeryn to stay in Pilot's den."

D'Argo shrugged.

"Don't tell me Aeryn's out and about too ..."

Once more D'Argo shrugged.

"Awww, man.  We'll have three dead teenagers on our hands if she finds them before us."

"Speak for yourself."  D'Argo charged his Qualta Blade.

"Oh no no no ... you aren't shooting them.  No one is shooting them."  John threw his hands up in the air.  "Why is it so hard for you guys to understand that violence isn't always the answer?"

D'Argo shrugged.  "But it is."

His head fell into his hands as John let out a large sigh.
 

Tyler stopped as he came to a dead end.  It looked like there was a door in front of him ... but there was no doorknob.  He shrugged and turned back around.

"Maybe I'll run into one of the guys."

He started back down the corridor, but stopped when he heard muffled voices ahead of him.  Listening closely and trying to be as quiet as possible, he sidled up behind a bulkhead and listened to the conversation going on a few feet away.

"Speak for yourself," a gruff voice commented.

"Oh no no no ... you aren't shooting them.  No one is shooting them," a higher voice shouted.

Tyler gulped.  "Shoot us?" he muttered.
 

"What was that?" D'Argo asked suddenly, sniffing the air as he listened.

"What was what?" John looked at his friend strangely.  "I didn't hear or see," he noticed D'Argo sniffing, "or smell anything."

"I heard a voice."  He looked around and sniffed the air again.  "And I smell something ... something different."

"Man, look, I'm sorry about the smell.  It's just that this morning's breakfast has my stomach all screwed up and well, you know, I can't help it."

D'Argo growled and then moved past his friend.  He had his Qualta Blade in rifle mode and the barrel was aimed at the bulkhead some few feet away.

"D'Argo ... D, man, what are you doing?"

"Shhh," D'Argo hushed him.
 

Tyler held his breath, sweat rolling down his forehead.
 

"D, put your Qualta Blade down."

D'Argo ignored him.

"D'Argo ... I mean it.  If you shoot one of those boys I'll --"

"You'll what?"

He scratched his head.  "Well, I can't think of anything now, but when I do ... you can bet it'll be something horrible and really painful!"

D'Argo shook his head and then turned back around, aiming his rifle just to the side of the bulkhead.  Close enough to scare whatever was behind it, but far enough away not to hurt anyone.  With one pull of the trigger a pulse beam fired past the bulkhead, singing it, and crashed into a far wall.  Moya shuddered slightly, but other than that there was nothing.

A few moments passed.  D'Argo charged his weapon again.  And then finally ...

"I surrender!" Tyler shouted, jumping out from behind the bulkhead.  "Please, don't shoot!"

D'Argo grinned menacingly and aimed his weapon.

John pushed past D'Argo and placed himself between the Luxan and the scared teenager.  "D, don't shoot."  He didn't move until D'Argo growled and returned his Blade to its sheath.  "Okay."  John turned back toward Tyler.  "I'm John."  He extended a hand.

"Tyler."  He shook his hand, but his eyes were focused on the monster just a few more feet away.

Noticing where Tyler was looking, John explained, "That's D'Argo.  He's big, mean, and real nasty on the outside.  But inside he's ... well ... he's still big, mean, and real nasty."  Tyler's eyes widened.  "But he makes a great pal once you get to know him.  So don't be scared.  He won't hurt you."

"Okay," Tyler answered, still not believing him.  "Where am I?"

"You're on Moya, a  big, living ship."

"Ship?"

"Spaceship."

"Spaceship?" Tyler gulped.  "As in we're nowhere near Earth."

"As in you bet your behind you are."

"And he's an alien?" Tyler tilted his head toward D'Argo.  John nodded.  "Cool."

As Tyler was engrossed with D'Argo, John took notice of his shirt.  "You play football?"

"Yeah."

"I used to play football."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  I was captain of the football team."

"That's pretty cool, man."

The two began talking football plays, which drove D'Argo mad.  It wasn't long before he drew his blade again and held it inches from Tyler's throat.  "Why are you here?"

"Dammit D'Argo, you're gonna hurt someone with that!"  John pushed the arm holding the weapon away from Tyler who was shaking like a leaf.  He turned back to the human.  "But really, why are you here?"

"I'm um ... my friends and I ... we were reading this thing and then we were here."

"What thing?"

Tyler snickered a bit.  "Some of Amy's alien porn."

"Alien porn?"  John raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that's what she calls it."

They all shrugged.

In the distance ...

"Porn is such a dirty word.  Why do they have to call it porn?"

"I don't know."

"I mean, they could call it edgy prose you know.  That's what I call it."

"Then why is your nickname Alien Porn Girl?"

"Because Alien Edgy Prose Girl sounds dumb ... and A.E.P.G. takes too much time to say."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Okay.  So give me a dumb way to pronounce porn."

"Amy, you're not going to have D'Argo --"

"I am."

"But that mispronunciation thing is so overrated."

"I know.  But it's always funny."

"But --"

"Who's writing this?  You?  Or me?"

*Aurora sighs*  "You."

"That's right."

*Aurora mumbles under her breath* "I suggested it."

"I heard that!"

... out of the distance.

"So you were reading this po-arn and then you were here?"  D'Argo asked.

John, knowing Tyler couldn't understand him, reiterated the question.

"Yeah.  Pretty much.  Just bam! and we were here."

John scratched his head.  "That's not quite how I got here.  But it's possible I guess."

"How'd you get here?"

"Through a wormhole."

"A what?"

"Long story."

Four DRDs surrounded the red-headed human sitting on Pilot's console as Pilot tried to work peacefully.  After being thoroughly annoyed by the human, he had ordered four DRDs to guard him and to shoot if he so much as moved.  Usually a peaceful creature, Pilot had now been brought to his breaking point and was very very violent.

Matt sulked from his place beside the console.  The four DRDs watched him intently, the gleaming white lights atop their eyestalks staring directly at him.  It weirded him out.  And annoyed him.  He was just curious.  There was no harm in being curious.  He had never been around aliens.  This was cool.  But the stupid shell-headed one had to get pissed off.

The silence that had settled over Pilot's den continued for only a few more moments before Matt finally asked, "Wanna hear me belch my ABCs?"

"OUT!" Pilot screamed, waving and thrusting his four arms at the human, pushing him off the console.  "GET OUT!"

Suddenly all the DRDs in the room began running on Matt's heels, forcing him down the catwalk and out of the den.  Matt hurried as fast he could, not wanting to be pushed off into the bottomless pit that lay below.  As he landed in the corridor, the door shut fast behind him.

"Everyone's a critic," Matt grumbled as he got to his feet.  "Dumb aliens can't even take a joke."
 

Chiana stalked down the corridor toward Pilot's den, hoping he could give her a tip on where the humans were.  Especially the redhead.  But as she moved closer to his den, she realized she might not need to ask him anything.

Turning the corner she saw a head of red, and then the familiar face from the holoscreen.  Her search had come to an abrupt end.

"Hey there," Chiana giggled, approaching him.

Matt turned around quickly, backing up as Chiana came real close real fast.  "Oh, uh hi."

She giggled again and winked.  "You're a human?"

"Yeah."

"Mmmm."  There was no more space between them.

"I take it that's a good thing."  He tried to back up, but she had cornered him against a wall.

"Oh yeah."  Chiana lashed out and grabbed hold of the waistband of Matt's shorts.  "You're coming with me."

Matt tried to cling to something as Chiana began dragging him down the hall.  "But ... but ..."

"C'mon.  Let me show you some of the ship."  She moved faster.  "We can start with my room."

In the distance ...

"That's not right."

"Matt's a male."

"So."

"And it's Chiana."

*Aurora is silent*

"That's what I thought."

... out of the distance.

"Ummm ..." was all Matt could utter before Chiana pulled him around another corner and they both disappeared from the space in front of Pilot's den.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" two voices shouted in unison.

"Ah, I win again," laughed D'Argo.

"Man, these aliens are good," Tyler remarked as he watched the giant brown 'rock' smash into his 'scissors' and nearly crush every bone in his hand in the process.

"D'Argo's one of the best," John explained, taking another bite of his dried food cube.  "He learned from the master."

"And that would be you," the teenager asked, pulling his hand free and massaging his sore digits.

"Yep."

The DRD that had injected Tyler with translator microbes only minutes before skittered away down the hall, in search of his own robotic companions.  At the same time, D'Argo prepared himself for another round of "rock, paper, scissors", but Tyler shook his head.

"No more for me."

"Aw, come on."

"D, man," John commented, "look at the kid's hand.  It's nearly black and blue from where you've crushed the heck out of it."

The Luxan eyed the body part with skepticism, but in the end saw reason.

"Alright," he began, reaching for dried food cube from the bowl, "but you take his place."

Before John could protest, Tyler was up and over to him, pushing him out of his seat and into the one across from D'Argo.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," John groaned as he drew his hand back.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!" they both yelled and then threw their fists to the center.

"I win!" D'Argo cried, ready to punch through John's 'paper'.

John protested, pulling his hand away.  "Nu-uh.  I don't think so."

"What do you mean?"  D'Argo actually looked disappointed.

"We've been through this D.  Paper covers rock."  He demonstrated.

"And I still don't believe you."  He lurched forward to rip through John's 'paper'.  "Rock rips through paper."

"Whoa whoa whoa."  John held him off.  "Tyler here's from my planet."  He looked to the human teenager.  "Tell him.  Paper beats rock."

Tyler looked at them both, contemplating the lesser of the two evils.  On one hand there was a monstrous alien thing with big muscles and a really big sword.  On the other hand there was a regular Joe with regular sized muscles that he could probably get a few hits on if worse came to worse.  Still.  John did have a point.

"Well ..."

D'Argo growled and John instantly glared at him.  "That's cheating."

"What is?"

"If you growl at the kid like that of course he's gonna side with you."

"I'm not growling.  Who's growling?"  D'Argo innocently raised his hands.

"You are you big fat liar!"

"I had something caught in my throat."

"Oh right, like I'm gonna believe that."

And then the arguing began.  Tyler slid his chair back a little as they both got into it.  And then he slipped out of the dining area to avoid any gun fire or punch-throwing that was bound to happen eventually.  Quietly, he took off down the hall, putting as much distance between him and them as humanly possible.  Or was it as alienly as possible?  He didn't know.  All he knew was --

Into the distance ...

"Dang it Aurora, what now?"

"Come on Amy, alienly?"

"Don't you get it?  Humanly ... Alienly?"

*Aurora shakes her head*

"You know what?"

"What?"

*Amy thinks*  "Well ... I don't know yet, but when it comes to me I'll let you know."

... out of the distance

Boots thumping.  Sneakers squeaking.

One body, clad in black, turned the corner with amazing speed and headed down another endless corridor.

"Come back honey!  Come back!" a male voice called out.

A second body turned the corner and headed right after the one in black.

"Go away!" an accented voice screamed.  "Leave me the frell alone!"  Aeryn looked over her shoulder for only a moment to see if he was still behind her -- he was.

"Come on baby!  Don't be like that."  Shawn picked up speed.  He was gaining on her, he was sure of it.

Aeryn ran faster.  How the tides had been turned, she didn't know.  One microt she was in control, gun pointed as his back, forcing him where she wanted him to go.  And the next he was chasing her down the hall professing his love for her and she was running from him as fast as she could.

Her legs were about to give out as she ducked down a side passageway.  But after pausing to catch for breath for a few moments, she heard footsteps coming down the metal catwalk.

"Frell," Aeryn hissed and took up running again.

"Hey beautiful!" Shawn cried out.  "Where do you think you're going?"

She reached the end of the catwalk and ducked back out into the main hallway.  But he was right behind her when she chanced another glance backward.

Shawn was nearly to her.  If his arms were just a bit longer he'd be able to reach out and grab hold of her leather vest.  But it wasn't like he minded chasing her.  Those leather pants.  Those tight leather pants.  If only the others could see this.

"Baby, I love you!" Shawn tried, willing his legs to go as fast as they could.

Matt was powerless to stop her.  She was pulling him toward her room at an amazing pace and before he knew it they were there, and her hands were moving to where they shouldn't have been.

"Whoa ... whoa, wait!" Matt struggled, pushing her hands away.

"What?"  Chiana tilted her head and looked at him quizzically.  But her hands never moved.

He tried to catch his breath as he did everything within his power to avoid eye contact.

"Well?"  She was still waiting for an answer.

Matt looked up at her and thought for a moment.  "What's your name?"

It seemed stupid to her for him to care about such a trifling thing, but nonetheless, she obliged.  "Chiana."

"Oh."  He looked down at the floor again.  "Well, um ... I'm Matt."

"Okay."

There was an awkward silence that descended between them before their eyes met, and then --

Into the distance ...

"Amy, PG-13!"

"I know."

"Obviously not."

"Well ... I ... I wasn't going to ..."

*Aurora glares*

"But Aurora!"

"PG-13!"

*Amy grumbles*

"Ms. Leonard may read this one day."

"So?"

*Aurora glares again*

"Oh, all right."

... out of the distance.
 

There was an awkward silence that descended between them before their eyes met, and then Matt and Chiana proceeded to make out.

Into the distance ...

"What now?!"

"Amy, that's crap.  You can do better than that."

"I know I can.  But if I try any harder this'll be pushing an R."

"So?"

"Like you said Aurora, Ms. Leonard may read this one day."

*Aurora glares*

"Stop glaring.  Your face'll get stuck like that."

"Like you said Amy, who's writing this, you or me?"

*Amy glares*

... out of the distance.
 

There was an awkward silence that descended between them before their eyes met, and then Chiana made the first move.  Her lips were on Matt's and then they were both moving through the open doorway into her chamber.

Into the distance ...

"Better?"

"Well ..."

*Amy throws up her hands and screams* "I give up!"

... out of the distance.

Tyler knew he'd been down every corridor on the ship, he'd had to have been, and yet he always ended up back in the same place in front of the dining room.  They were still arguing as he passed by it the third time.  And the argument didn't seem to be diminishing at all.

"Why do you have to scare off every nice person we meet?" John screamed.

"I don't scare them off.  You scare them off with your inferiority and stupidity!"

"My inferiority and stupidity?"  John's voice was incredulous.  "Hey!  How many times has this inferior, stupid human saved your sorry ass?"

"That's beside the point."

"Like hez it is!"

Tyler sighed and shook his head.  *Maybe if I wait long enough, they'll either stop, or Matt or Shawn will come by.*

Aeryn zipped straight past Pilot's chamber and kept going down the next few tiers.  The next place they'd reach would be the galley.  Perhaps she'd be able to dash into there without the human's noticing.

"Stop running sweet thang!"  Shawn was lagging behind a bit now, but he was still persistent.  "I just want to talk!"

"Leave me alone!" Aeryn screamed again.  *Cholak, I hope I lose him soon!*

"Forget you man, I'm done with you." John had finally given up arguing with his Luxan companion.

They had been at it so long he'd forgotten what had started the argument.  He didn't even know what they were arguing over anymore.  And it didn't really matter.

"Where are you going?" D'Argo asked accusingly.

"To fix that broken conduit Pilot told us about."

"Did you forget that there are three obnoxious versions of you running loose on Moya?"

"No.  But I don't care anymore."  John started out the door and then turned back around.  "In fact, I hope one of them finds your chamber and completely trashes it."  He moved through the doorway and out into the hall.

Matt, in the midst of his actions with Chiana, heard footsteps pounding down the hall outside.  He perked his head up and cocked his ears toward the door.

"Do you hear something?"

Chiana reluctantly stopped what she was doing to oblige him and listen.  But when she did hear something, she tried to figure out what it was.

"Sounds like footsteps," Chiana commented.

They continued listening.

"Stop running sweet thang!" A voice called as one body went rushing by the doorway.

"What was that?" Chiana asked.

"Not sure," Matt said, still trying to place the voice.

"I just want to talk!" The voice went again, and this time another body passed by the doorway at a slightly slower pace.

"But that was Shawn," he quickly shouted as he pushed Chiana off him and stumbled to the door.

She rounded the turn for the hall that ran past the galley, and as soon as she made it, there was John in front of her, stepping out of the galley.  Aeryn slowed as quickly as she could to avoid hitting him, and succeeded, but with only microdenches to spare.

"Whoa!" John called out as he reached out an arm to stop her.

Aeryn immediately began sucking in breaths of air.

"What's going on?" John asked.  D'Argo repeating the same question as he walked out of the galley right behind John.

"Baby come back!" Shawn's voice could be heard seconds before he rounded the same corner.

"Shawn," Tyler shook his head as he joined Aeryn, John, and D'Argo.

Shawn saw she'd stopped and ran faster so he could catch her before she took off again.  Only Aeryn wasn't planning on taking off.

He was at top speed when Aeryn broke away from John's hold and turned to face Shawn.  The stupid human was headed right for her as she wheeled back her fist and then sent it flying.  Before he could stop, his face crashed right into Aeryn's clenched fingers, and Shawn went flying backward.

His body hit the floor with a thud and stilled.

"Oh my God!" Tyler cried.  "You killed Shawn!"

At precisely that moment Matt came round the same corner, holding his pants up with one hand, and holding his shirt in the other.

"What the --"  He saw Shawn's unconscious body on the floor.  "Oh my God!  You killed Shawn!"

Into the distance ...

"Am --"

*a heavy object hits Aurora upside the head*

"Hmmph."  *Amy dusts her hands off and smirks*

... out of the distance.

Chiana was the last to join the scene and they all gathered around the human teenager's unconscious body.  John was shaking his head at Aeryn while Tyler was shaking his head at Matt who was still buttoning up his shorts and putting his shirt back on.

"MATT, TYLER, AND SHAWN!!!" A loud booming voice called from somewhere unseen.

Everyone looked around to see who it was.

"What's going on?" shouted the latest arrival to the scene as she walked briskly to the small crowd around Shawn.

"Ms. Leonard?" Tyler and Matt looked at each other with shock on their face, and then looked at their teacher.  "What are you doing here?"

"I might ask you the same thing."

"We were uh ..." Matt tried to think of something smart.

"What happened to Shawn?"  Ms. Leonard noticed Shawn sprawled out on the floor, eyes closed and limbs unmoving.

Everyone pointed to Aeryn.  Aeryn shrugged with a "he deserved it," muttered under her breath.

Ms. Leonard shook her head.  "If you three don't get back to class right away there's going to be some serious proximity."

"I tried to get them out, Ms. Leonard, but before I could they started running amok."  This came from yet another arrival, who was followed by a third.  "There ruining my story!" Amy whined.

"It's they're not there, Amy," Aurora, rubbing the side of her head, corrected her friend in a bitter tone.

Amy turned and grinned.  "Thank you Aurora."  And then her smiled widened.  "How's your head?"

Aurora growled.

On the floor Shawn began to move. His eyes opened and honed in on his English teacher.  "Debbie!  Take me home Debbie!" he moaned, reaching out his hand.  "Save me Debbie!"

Ms. Leonard tried not to laugh as she shook her head and looked at the floor.  Then she pointed to Shawn and looked straight at Tyler and Matt.  "You two take him back to class."

Meanwhile, Amy surreptitiously sidled up alongside John.  She tapped him on the shoulder, but before she could say even a word Ms. Leonard called behind her.

"You and Aurora get back to class too!"  And then Ms. Leonard was gone.

Aurora grabbed Amy's hand and began pulling her away from John.  "Come on Amy!"

"But ... but --"

"Come on!"

"It's my freaking story!"

"We have to get to class."

"But I ... John ... Ben Browder ... hot ..."

"Now!"

"Grrrrrr ..."

And then they were both gone.

A silence descended as Moya's crew stood, dumbstruck, staring at each other.

Into the distance ...

"Stop grousing."

"But it's my story!"

"So?"

"So!  Why should I have to kill all chances of ever interacting with Ben Browder, the hottest guy on Earth?"

"Because Ms. Leonard told us to get back to class."

"But ... but we were the ones who wrote that in!!!  We didn't have to!"

"What's this we?  I distinctly see your name next to that written by at the top of the page."

"But ... but you ... you --"

"Well?"

"You conceived this thing!"

"But you wrote it!"

*Amy tries to think of a good comeback*

*Aurora smirks*

"I HATE YOU!"

"You can't hate me.  I'm your beta."

*Amy opens her mouth then closes it*

*Aurora smirks*

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" *Amy storms off*

*Aurora smirks*  "Peace at last."

... out of the distance.

Disclaimer: Farscape is the property of Jim Henson Co., Hallmark, and Nine Films.  It was created by Rockne SOB and everything is his property.  Oh yeah, and some of it belongs to that evil ass David Kemper that needs to die horribly for what he's doing in Season Four.
Rating: PG-13

Archiving:  Just give me credit, lemme know where you're putting it, and it's all A-OK partner.

Feedback:  Please R/R ... and to give me further feedback email me at aerynsun01@yahoo.com

Spoilers: None.

Timeline:  Season Three since Jool is there, but pre-John twinning. (As you know, I never touch that stuff)

Summary: Three boys thought they were just getting a naughty science fiction story.  Little did they know that it would change their lives forever.  Follow Matt, Ty, and Shawn as they explore the wonders of A.P. and learn just what Farscape is all about.  The story features cameo appearances by APG herself, Aurora the ever-faithful beta and sounding board, and the infamous 9:30am English trio - Matt, Ty, and Shawn.  The fantabulous Debbie (Ms. Leonard) will also be making an appearance as the ever-intimidating queen of "proximity", Professor of English.

Author's Note: I don't expect many of you to know who Matt, Ty, and Shawn are ... of course you wouldn't.  But let me tell you this much ... they're hilarious, absolutely hilarious.  They are three of the most hilarious people you will ever meet with the most unique personalities.  And having an entire semester of English with them is an experience and a half.  Aurora and I were well entertained ... beyond belief.  My IQ has never been as low as it was during that class.  I LOVE IT!  And I swear to do my best to write them as well as possible.  I hope I can capture them and put them on paper and what comes out is as close to the real thing as realistically possible.